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Car Repair For Crazy People
By MoonDog | July 18, 2008
This is a story about my friend Jacki. We’ll need to establish one irrefutable fact to give my three loyal readers an opportunity to properly visualize the horror that is my life. Jacki is in more dire need of deep, prolonged psycho-analysis than any human on this planet - or any planet in any galaxy - known or unknown.
Unlike most women named Jacki, you’ll note there isn’t an “e” at the end of her name. Based on her explanation, her family was poor and were unable to buy a vowel. Are you starting to get an idea of what I’ve had to contend with?
Don’t misunderstand me, Jacki is a decent person, although there was a nasty incident involving an ex-husband she threw off a balcony. Jacki works hard too, applying her knowledge of the transportation industry rather adroitly, sending containers of freight which were supposed to be delivered in California only to see them end up in Shanghai, China. That was a special moment.
Jacki has never placed a lot of emphasis on personal transportation, viewing it for what is - a means of getting from one point to another. But Jacki took that view a little too far, owning at one time a 1995 Toyota Corolla that was the epitome of hoopdies.
This car wasn’t your average everyday hoopdie, it was a hoopdie du jour. The ignition had been torn out and she literally had to start the engine with a screwdriver. And that was just one of the vehicle’s many problems.
My uncle owns an auto repair shop and I’d hung around enough to pick up a thing or two over the years. I’m not a mechanic by any means but I know the difference between a valve stem and a rocker arm. One day Jacki told me her car was running hot and I asked if she meant the A/C or if the engine was overheating.
She told me it was overheating so I had her pop the hood and I check the radiator - it was bone dry. I then checked the coolant reservoir and it too was bone dry. Crazy people like Jacki have a hard time with the concept of keeping water or coolant in the radiator and the reservoir.
I had to explain - as I was filling the radiator with water - that engines required this liquid, that which covers 75% of the earth’s land mass, to maintain the engine in an operable state.
Jacki lives in a house with a large garage. Any time repair work was needed to keep the hoopdie running, instead of taking it to a professional mechanic, she had the local crackhead affect repairs to the vehicle. Granted, the price was very reasonable but when the repairs were completed, you could turn on the radio and the windshield wipers would come on.
One day Jacki was having yet another problem with the vehicle so I’m looking under the hood and noticed a wire that appeared to be running from her battery to an unknown location. I went to move the wire so I could trace it when suddenly - POOF!
Fire, Fire, Fire! Class Charlie Fire in the forward engine room! Away the at-sea fire party! This is not a drill!
Thank goodness I learned a lot about fighting fires when I was in the military. The Navy was constantly training you because let’s face it, when you’re at sea you can’t call the fire department - we were the fire department.
So now the hoopdie is on fire and Jacki is making these weird noises, jumping around like a psychotic bobble-head doll. The car was located in the parking lot near some flower beds and I walked over and grabbed some mulch to throw on the fire.
After I extinguish the fire Jacki asks me, “What did you do?!” I replied, “What did I do? That crackhead you have doing the repair work hot-wired your car!”
Being a crazy person, the logical explanation I gave her didn’t register. Suddenly, the hero who put out the fire and avoided potential loss was now the villain. I was to blame for the fire. “I blame you for this”, said Jacki.
To this day, I’m the one to blame for the fire, not the crackhead who hot-wired the engine.
So the moral of this story is if you happen to know someone that is deeply mentally disturbed, avoid making any effort in lending a hand when it comes to automobile repair.
Tags: Crackhead, Hot-Wire, Joke of the Day, General Topics, Psychotic, Hoopdie, Fire, Car Repair, Mentally Disturbed, Crazy People, Shanghai, Toyota Corolla, Auto Repair Shop, MoonDogSports.comRelated posts
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July 18th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA DO NOT WRITE ONE ABOUT ME, OR I WILL HAVE TO SICK THE CRACKHEAD HIRING PSYCOTIC JACKI ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO She had a worse car than me! and I thought I had bad luck with cars! LOL
Too dang funny!!!!!!!!! BUT…… Jacki said KMA & FUF
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND, AND THE VOLS SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 18th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
You are SO bad! Well written though. I’ve got to stop reading this so I can stop laughing.
Have a great weekend! See ya’ sometime next week.
July 19th, 2008 at 5:15 am
LMFAO!!!!!!! now that was funny as hell & something i can totally relate too!
July 19th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Moon Dog
I assumed you assisted this female because of her looks rather than wanting to see her Corolla ?
And I repeat you assisted her because of ??????
tophatal ………..
July 21st, 2008 at 9:50 pm
MoonDog, I was hoping you’d take a look at my truck. I’ve noticed a strange smell coming out from under my hood.
My friend Jacki says you can fix anything.
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:48 am
Top - Actually, it was because I’m a good-natured MF.
Ken - You, no problem. You’re not crazy, at least not like Jacki.