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Big Orange Roundtable Vol(ume) 3

By MoonDog | July 22, 2008

Off we go into yet another edition of the Big Orange Roundtable. This week our host is Rocky Top Talk, regarded as being one of the best, if not the best of all Volunteer blogs on the Internet.

Joel has compiled a list of four questions this week that I’m confident will allow all of us to express in words just how incredibly devoted we are to the Big Orange.

At the end of this post I’ll provide a list of sites that have answered the questions. Please check back throughout the week to view the updated list.

Without further ado…

1. For some inexplicable reason, Phillip Fulmer invites Urban Meyer, Mark Richt, Steve Spurrier, Nick Saban, Les Miles, and Tommy Tuberville over to his palatial estate for a dinner party. At 2:00 a.m. the next morning, The Papa discovers that Smokey IX has been murdered. Who did it, with what, and where? Think Clue. You know, Mr. Mustard in the parlor with the candlestick?

Meyer committed this heinous act with Nick Saban serving as an accessory after the fact. Here’s how it went down. Meyer, fresh off a recruiting trip to Nepal - where he reportedly was interested in a Sherpa linebacker so I’m told - was so excited about the possibilities of being the first coach to successfully recruit a Sherpa, decided he would utilize his false sense of superiority to stealthily eliminate Smokey.

Apparently there were unconfirmed reports Smokey had sniffed out 10 pounds of marijuana Meyer heisted from the Gainesville Greenhouse/Starbucks and authorities were about to file charges against Herban.

In an effort to silence the only true witness - and the only link to his cannabis conundrum - Meyer deviously planned to take advantage of the dinner invitation to send Smokey to that big checkerboard in the sky.

Meyer decided he could sneak into Fulmer’s master bedroom where Smokey’s tent was situated. Constructed much like an opium den, the tent was really more of a harem, with Smokey usually having at minimum three french poodles to cavort with on any given night.

After the group dined on a delicious repast of neck bones and grits, Meyer excused himself from the table. No one noticed he’d taken one of the unconsumed neck bones, lacing it with Gator urine. Meyer made his way into the master bedroom, threw open the flap to Smokey’s tent, and there he found one of the french poodles on top of old Smokey.

Meyer, blood in his eyes, tossed Fifi aside and lunged toward Smokey. Meyer grabbed the beloved hound around the neck and forced the neck bone down his throat, cutting off his oxygen and suffocating poor Smokey.

When police arrived on the scene, they found two bones - one in Smokey’s throat and the other - well, we know what was happening when Meyer broke up the party.

2. Who between Eric Berry for the defense and Gerald Jones for the Clawfense will have the biggest impact for the Vols in 2008?

I’m a firm believer that defense and special teams win games and ultimately, championships. While Berry may not have a direct impact on the offense, his ability to shut down an opposing receiver and support the run defense with forceful tackles, that in effect shuts down the opponent’s offense and gives our offensive unit more opportunities to score.

Moreover, as we witnessed last season against Florida, when Berry picks off a pass he has the speed and elusiveness to potentially return an interception for a TD.

3. You devise a way to harness the Lost island’s temporal displacement properties. The island will allow you to change one thing, but one thing only, in the history of the Tennessee Volunteer football program. What do you change? By the way, Ben warns that if you try to say “2005″ or any other entire season, the mysterious clicking black smoke will sound its wailing siren, shoot from the earth, grab you by the ankles, and pound you to a pulp against a palm tree. So change only one thing. Unless, of course, you like that sort of thing.

In the category of “longest question asked thus far,” while I’m not changing the entire 2005 season, I am changing the fumble near the goal line in the Alabama game that the Vols would eventually lose, 6-3. If we score, Tennessee wins the game and potentially the misfortunes of that season aren’t as bad.

4. What about the future? What is your worst fear for this upcoming season, the turn of events that would send you into a blind rage?

I’m worried about the defensive front four. The Vols have got to stop the run much better this season than they did last year. With Florida using Tebow almost exclusively to run the ball, Georgia with Moreno and Auburn being run-oriented, Tennessee’s success will depend greatly on how they defense the run.

I’m a little concerned about our kicking game, with Colquitt on the sidelines for the first five games. Our kick coverage wasn’t especially great last season and Lincoln doesn’t conjure up memories of Faud Reveiz. A solid kicking game, just like General Neyland preached, can win games for you.

As far as the schedule is concerned, I’m really nervous about the Auburn game. I honestly believe the Vols are going to take care of business against the Gators this year.

After a huge win like that it is going to be difficult to muster the same level of emotion to take on the team I believe will win the West. No one is talking much about Auburn but I believe they are going to be awfully tough this season.

Another potential land mine - and another team no one is talking about much - is Mississippi State. Sylvester Croom has done a great job of getting the Bulldog program back on the right track and they are going to be better than what people think.

Check out the answers to this week’s questions at these other Vol sites:

Your Mother Slept with Wilt Chamberlain

Third Saturday in Blogtober

Southeastern Sports Blog

Fulmer’s Belly

The Power T

Gate 21

Losers with Socks