I Tried to Get Vida Guerra’s Digits

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Brian Simpson, morning DJ for radio station WRQT, 95.7 FM in La Crosse, WI, had an interesting encounter with today’s birthday girl, Vida Guerra. Apparently Miss Guerra was partying at a bar in Minneapolis one night when the bold, brave, never take no for an answer DJ made his pitch for Vida’s digits.

Thanks to Brian for sharing this and check out his show from 5:00 to 10:00 a.m. on The Rock.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, MISS GUERRA.

REMEMBER THAT TIME I HIT ON YOU IN A BAR IN MINNEAPOLIS?

YOU DON’T?

CAUSE I SORTA REMEMBER IT.

SEE, I WAS IN A BAR, WHICH IN TURN MEANS THAT I WAS DRUNK. CAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU DO IN A BAR. THAT, AND FIND CHICKS TO PLAY THE TIP GAME WITH.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, I DON’T REMEMBER WHAT BAR I WAS IN BECAUSE AS I ALREADY MENTIONED, I WAS DRUNK.

BUT I DO REMEMBER SEEING YOU THERE, SHAKING THAT BOUNTIFUL BOOTY, PERHAPS THE GREATEST GLUTES IN THE WORLD.

YOU WERE DANCING WITH FOUR DUDES WHO COULD BE BEST DESCRIBED AS TREE TRUNKS. THEY WERE PROBABLY FOOTBALL PLAYERS OR SOME OTHER FORM OF PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE.

BUT SINCE I’M A RADIO DJ, I KNEW I COULD STILL SCORE WITH YOU, BECAUSE LIFE HAS TAUGHT ME THAT PLAYING SONGS FOR CHICKS ON THE RADIO IS MORE THAN ENOUGH TO GET SOME SERIOUS MCLOVIN.

SO THERE I WAS, A WHITE GUY, 5-9 AND 220 POUNDS OF PURE DONUT-FUELED AWESOMENESS, MAKING MY MOVE TOWARDS THE HOLY GRAIL OF ASS-GETTING.

AS I SAUNTERED TOWARDS YOU, THE FOUR MONSTERS CIRCLING YOU NOTICED MY APPROACH AND DECIDED TO RE-ROUTE MY FLIGHT. HOWEVER, I WAS NOT TO BE DENIED.

AS THEY ENGULFED YOU WITH THEIR MUSCLES AND FAT WALLETS, I SAW A SLIVER OF LIGHT AND DOVE RIGHT IN.

AS I LEANED FORWARD, ASSERTING MYSELF, I SHOUTED OUT SOMETHING THAT SHOULD HAVE SOUNDED LIKE “HEY VIDA, CAN I GET YOUR NUMBER?”

BUT MORE ACCURATELY SOUNDED LIKE “PLEASE KICK MY ASS, BIG GUYS SURROUNDING VIDA!!!” CAUSE THAT’S SORTA WHAT HAPPENED.

I FELT LIKE CHAD ON THE MAD REAL WORLD. I GUESS I SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN “LOOKING AT HER LIKE THAT.”

ANYWAY, THOSE GUYS WERE GREAT. THEY PROBABLY WANTED TO DESTROY ME, BUT INSTEAD, THEY JUST PUSHED MY DRINKING ARM SO I SPILLED ALL OVER MYSELF.

THEY WERE EVEN NICE ENOUGH TO GET ONE OF THE CLUB’S BOUNCERS TO COME OVER AND HELP ME LEAVE THE BUILDING.

SO VIDA, IF YOU’RE READING THIS, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I TOOK A CHANCE, AND YOU BROKE MY HEART. BUT I DON’T HOLD IT AGAINST YOU.

CAUSE A WEEK LATER I FOUND SOME CELL PHONE PICS OF YOU ON THE INTERNET AND WHAT HAPPENED AT HOME THAT AFTERNOON WAS MY VERY OWN VERSION OF THE TIP GAME.

SO THANK YOU, VIDA.

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY.