If you’re like me, I’ll bet most of you are trying to figure out how Tiger Woods did so much damage backing out of his driveway on Friday.
The Superman of golf reportedly struck a fire hydrant, then a tree, bloodied his lip and knocked himself woozy while leaving his home in Florida.
Woods had to be rescued by his wife Elin Nordegren who used a golf club to knock out the back window of the SUV he was piloting in order to remove him from the vehicle.
Police on the scene have reported that alcohol isn’t suspected as a possible factor in the accident, which is good news.
No one wants to hear that the greatest golfer of our generation was boozed up and foolishly decided to get behind the wheel.
But if alcohol wasn’t at play, something had to cause Woods to wreak so much havoc in such a short distance.
My grandmother was a notoriously bad driver and would routinely run over shrubs, mailboxes and fire hydrants regardless of the direction she was heading.
But she never hit anything so hard that it knocked her unconscious. She was never inebriated either, or at least I don’t believe she was. She did all of her damage in a complete state of sobriety.
Maybe Tiger made the mistake of taking driving lessons from Paris Hilton. You know, Lindsay Lohan got her driving lessons from Paris too.
Come to think of it though, Lindsay has never run over anything while backing out of her driveway, or least it hasn’t been reported.
Here’s a possibility: Paris was standing at the foot of the driveway directing Tiger as he backed out. That explains everything.
That would bring clarity to how someone who’s been driving for nearly 20 years suddenly couldn’t navigate his own driveway and ended up DMKH – Damn Near Killing Himself.
Fortunately, Woods was released from the hospital after it was determined the injuries he sustained were minor, but police are set to question him about the accident on Saturday.
With an investigation still in the works, perhaps we’ll learn the truth why Woods pulled a Lindsay and ran over stuff with his car.
