For years, I have hated Ole Miss. It wasn’t because of the Rebel flags, Colonel Sanders looking mascot, or Vaught-Hemingway, the high school stadium that passes for an actual SEC facility.
It wasn’t even the sub-standard sports, sense of entitlement that its fans have while the school hasn’t done anything, the eclectic mix of a prom formal tailgate complete with Chinet paper plates from Dollar General, or years of “tradition” which generally translate into “Mississippi State’s whipping child.”
None of these reasons were why I couldn’t stand the school, except for the fact that, well it was Ole Miss.
My friend Keeysa would be quick to point out that Ole Miss beat Tennessee and Memphis this year in football and knocked Memphis out of the NIT.
True, and it is also true that Ray Charles had children, proving that the blind get lucky from time to time.
But that is why I am not here. I have always prided myself on being a solutions oriented guy. I like to provide answers where others have had questions. I think outside the box, shift the paradigm, smack it up, flip it, and rub it down.
So while inside my think tank, I pondered what to write about during my visit at MoonDog Sports. MoonDog, being the gracious and wise host, would surely smite me with the ferocity of the most pissed off deities if I did not “bring it.”
So with that being said, I have put my utter disdain for Ole Miss aside to provide an answer for the Ole Miss Mascot Conundrum.
For years, Ole Miss, despite mediocrity on the fields of SEC play, has always excelled in having some of the hottest girls off of the field. So forget eagles, dogs, cats, rats, bears, frogs, possums, etc.
Kids really don’t wanna take a pic with some guy inside of a squirrel suit at a football game, because that is what Chuck E. Cheese is for. Think outside of the box Ole Miss. However, what goes along with a hot chick?
Give yourself a pat on the back if you said a douchebag!
Anyone that has ever tailgated in “The Grove” knows that these two go together like peas and carrots.
For every hottie that you see dressed to kill, you see a trust fund baby following behind her ready to snap a pic and load it on Facebook to make himself look cool.
The answer is simple: The student body can get together before football season and pick a group of Ole Miss’ most precious resources.
Each week, a pair would be matched and paraded around “The Grove” and in Vaught-Hemingway, taking pics with students, alumni, former students, etc. The possibilities are endless. Find a salon and clothing shop to sponsor them.
*This week’s mascot is sponsored by Abercrombie’s little brother Otis. Hair by Ellie Mae’s Salon & Taxidermy
Someone start a petition. What better way to bring a divided fan base and student body than to keep it “in house.” The school would truly be the envy of all of the SEC.
Who needs Auburn’s “War Eagle” flying down to the field, when you can have these guys running down to the 50 yard line and dancing to Lady GaGa. It would get me fired up for sure.
