Dear Tiki:
I just wanted to thank you for taking some of the heat off me after news broke that you dumped your pregnant wife for 23-year-old Traci Lynn Johnson.
Way to go bro!
I cheated on Elin when she was pregnant but I never would have mustered the balls to leave her. I’ve got to hand it to you Tiki, you’ve got a pair that clanks my man!
Anyone that would dump his wife knowing she’s expecting twins is my hero. I can’t begin to describe the media frenzy this story has created.
When I teed off this morning at Augusta National, all of the members of the media weren’t hovering around me, they were off somewhere trying to dig up information on you!
Leaving your wife Ginny after 11 years of marriage for a much younger, whiter and far more bootylicious girl like Traci will virtually guarantee that everybody is going to hound your ass now and not mine.
Yippee!
Anyway, I just got a text from Joslyn James. She and I are going to hook up later when I finish these 18 holes.
The way I figure it, since everyone is going to pay more attention to you now, I can go back to banging sleazy white chicks until my putter explodes.
Whoa! There’s a chick in the third row on the 7th fairway I got to check out. Since Elin ain’t here it’s back to business as usual for me!
Again Tiki, I can’t thank you enough. Send me photos of your new squeeze so I can jack…oh damn, my turn to putt. Gotta run bro!
Holla!
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