Dear Mitch:
Last year when I told you that being the head basketball coach at the University of Kentucky was my dream job – yea, that was a lie.
I only told you that because my real dream job awaits me in Chicago where my boy Derrick (what SAT test?) Rose plays for the NBAs Bulls.
You may have heard that they have a lot of room under their salary cap and that LeBron James – the most coveted free agent on the market – has an interest in Chicago.
James and Rose are also pals with William Wesley, alias Worldwide Wes, the guy who helped bring Rose to Memphis when I was coaching there.
You may also be aware that Wesley is an associate of Leon Rose, who just happens to be King James’ agent.
Insiders will tell you that Wesley is perhaps one of the most powerful figures working in sports today.
Wesley has been seen before hugging Jerry Jones after the Dallas Cowboys won the Super Bowl. He’s congratulated Miami (FL) football players after they won a national championship.
He’s been spotted sitting next to Jay-Z at the NBA All-Star Game and has hung out with Nike CEO Phil Knight at the Final Four.
In fact, I acknowledged on record in a July 2007 interview with GQ magazine’s Alex French that Wesley was “a goodwill ambassador” for the University of Memphis basketball program.
Basically what I’m trying to tell you Mitch is that me and Worldwide Wes are tight, like 19-year-old virgin tight.
Even though I’ve taken to my Twitter page and informed Kentucky fans that there is no truth to the rumors I may leave Lexington, I can tell you for a fact that I will drop you like a bad habit if the Bulls come calling.
Just as I did in Memphis, I’m going to tell the die hard Wildcats’ fans that I’m here to stay and that we’re going to finish what we started.
But what we really started was another opportunity for me to further my own interests.
You see Mitch, I’m the kind of guy that has mastered the art of talking out of the side of my mouth, and I’m going to utilize that skill to its fullest potential.
I’ve written a quick sonnet to sum up exactly how I feel (yes, I know a sonnet is 14 lines but who has time for that?).
Here goes:
In Kentucky where basketball fans bleed blue, if the Bulls ask me to coach their team, I’m going to bid your ass adieu.
Pretty good, huh?
Anyway Mitch, thanks for the short time you allowed me to make an even bigger name for myself. I really appreciate your gullibility and naivete!
Love,
John Calipari
