Less than bright former punter of the New York Giants professional football team desperately needs job after sudden termination on Sunday.
My qualifications include an inability to follow directions and less than average hang time. Poor tackling skills and refusing to accept responsibility for mistakes are among my other strong suits.
If you need a punter who won’t kick the ball out of bounds under any circumstances – especially with the game on the line, little time remaining and one of the NFL’s best punt returners just itching for a chance to be a hero – I’d love the opportunity to meet with you at your earliest convenience.
I can be reached via telephone at 212-Dumb-Ass (386-2277) any time. An example of my latest work can be seen in the video below from Sunday’s game against the Philadelphia Eagles.
Oh, and I have a really bad haircut. Like “The Situation” bad. Well, not quite that bad.
Best regards,
Matt Dodge
