Cincinnati Reds pitcher Mike Leake was arrested for shoplifting after he allegedly tried to steal six T-shirts from a Macy’s store worth a grand total of $59.88.
Police arrest reports said Leake removed the price tags from six American Rag T-shirts and tried to leave the store without paying for them.
Leake is in his second season with the Reds and earns $425,000 a year, more than enough to buy six T-shirts worth $59.88.
But if Leake really wanted to get away with stealing six T-shirts, he should have taken lessons from the queen of shoplifting, Lindsay Lohan.
Now there’s a woman that knows how to get away with stealing something worth getting arrested for.
Shortly after being released from a court ordered rehab stint, Lohan visited a Los Angeles area jewelry store in February where she tried on a $250,000 necklace.
Lohan was seen casually strolling out the door with the necklace on the store’s security camera and then photographed wearing it a few days later.
When the store owner called police to file charges against her, police issued a search warrant for her crib.
When word spread that the Los Angeles district attorney was going to file charges against her for stealing the necklace, Lohan claimed she “borrowed” the piece of jewelry from the store.
See Leake, that’s how you do it. You don’t remove the price tags from the items, you put the items on and then walk out the door.
When authorities claim you tried to steal the items, you say that you were only borrowing said items.
Gee, what a rookie.
But since Leake is new at this whole borrowing thing, I’ve got his defense all worked out.
Mike when you go to the arraignment, tell the judge you were going to wear the T-shirts under your Reds game jersey and let the store’s price tag dangle in plain view for all to see.
That way you can claim that you were providing the store with free advertising and the cost of the T-shirts was payment for your services.
An eagle-eyed announcer will spot the price tag dangling outside your jersey and following the game they’ll ask you what’s up.
That’s when you say, “that’s my American Rag T-shirt I borrowed exclusively from Macy’s!” Then politely excuse yourself because you need to catch a flight to Disneyland.
Macy’s will love you and so will Lindsay. Lohan will be so impressed with how well you handled the situation she’ll ask you out on a date.
After having a quiet dinner, the two of you can head off to a department store and borrow stuff to your heart’s content. Man, what a great date that will be.
So the next time you’re thinking of shoplifting Mike, don’t waste your time. Simply take the items and claim you were borrowing them.
Or better yet, since you make more money than 97 percent of average Americans, maybe you could just pay for the stuff.
