With the news that “retired” porn star Bree Olson left Charlie Sheen over the weekend, the warlock assassin is looking for a new goddess to replace her.
We here at MoonDog Sports are deeply concerned that the tiger’s blood drinking Sheen is down to one goddess, so we’ve compiled this list of candidates to fill the role.
Naturally, not everyone is suited to become one of the warlock’s goddesses, so there has to be a few prerequisites that the candidates must meet in order to be considered.
1. Candidates must not have more than a few hundred active brain cells.
2. Porn stars are preferred, but not mandatory. However, the candidate must have a general reputation as being slutty.
3. The candidate should have a working knowledge about the multiple uses of cocaine.
4. Candidates must show the proven ability to gulp down a refreshing glass of tiger’s blood without gagging.
5. Machete sharpening skills are highly desirable.
Now that we’ve got the job requirements squared away, here’s a list of candidates we believe are possible replacements for Bree Olson.
.jpg "A List Of Candidates For Charlie Sheens New Goddess")
1. Lindsay Lohan – She’s got everything except machete sharpening skills, but she’ll have time to learn once she goes back to jail.
2. Paris Hilton – She almost killed Sarah Shahi the other day while driving. Maybe she got hold of some tainted tiger’s blood. Her sex tapes prove gagging isn’t a problem.
3. Heidi Montag – Charlie has plenty of money and Heidi has high dollar plastic surgery needs.
4. Kim Kardashian – Porn star like sluttiness. That giant ass provides more than enough room to do several lines of cocaine.
5. Justin Bieber – Nothing says goddess like a metrosexual young boy.
Recognizing that there are plenty of viable candidates beyond those mentioned, vote in our poll and let us know who you think should be the next Charlie Sheen goddess.
