In what can only be described as a shocking development, South Carolina quarterback Stephen Garcia has been reinstated just in time for football season.
The Gamecocks QB has been suspended about 17 times for one reason or another since he signed his letter of intent in 2007.
Garcia’s latest suspension came about after an incident in April that South Carolina athletic director Eric Hyman called “behavior that is unacceptable for one of our student-athletes” during a life skills meeting.
Unconfirmed reports say Garcia’s unacceptable behavior during the life skills meeting involved a pagan-like virgin sacrifice while the Gamecocks QB was receiving an IV of Jack Daniels and Methadone.
But following each of Garcia’s suspensions, South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier has managed to find the QB’s behavior acceptable prior to the Gamecocks’ beginning football practice in August.
Spurrier told ESPN SEC football blogger Chris Low that “sometimes, it takes some guys a little longer, I guess.” A little longer? In Garcia’s case, it’s taken a lot longer, like four years.
Since he arrived at South Carolina, Garcia’s has spent every day at the school engaged in some form of unacceptable behavior that would have resulted in expulsion for any other student.
Garcia told Low that “Nothing bad is going to happen again — that’s guaranteed.” The only thing that’s guaranteed with Stephen Garcia is that there are no guarantees.
Being that this is his final season at South Carolina, Garcia had damn well better keep his act together.
In Garcia’s case, that means no more virgin sacrifices, no more demonic rituals and especially no more acts of debauchery involving anal pleasuring.
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